T.I.M Exclusive: Tackling Self-Esteem

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Virtually, anywhere you look, you can find something written on self esteem. Women-oriented literature, especially, seem to have this type of content that centers around improving self image because it seems that women have more self esteem issues. This is not to say that men dont, but perhaps women do more, because we may have more things to be self consciousabout but also because most men are taught to play a macho man role. So they assume this role and disguise their insecurities better, where they may not even know they lack in the self esteem department.

Before writing this I read a few articles and they all sounded the same so I wanted to bring you something a little more fresh. As a psychology graduate Id say I have decent background to put something together that will intrigue you to read it and make sense as you do so, as it seems that self esteem is the third most frequently used theme in psychology literature.

So what is self esteem than?
Without giving you already made up definitions, I would say that self esteem is the outlook that one has of themselves that develops and evolves throughout our lives through various experiences with different situations and people. Although you can work on your self esteem at any stage in your life, having a good base, which would begin in your childhood, is crucial. The love and support you feel from the people surrounding you such as you parents and peers is what builds you up. A childs self esteem will suffer if they are not loved and appreciated and this is a proven fact. When you get older, it doesnt get much better so its essential that you have a solid foundation because in those same magazines where they preach about improving self esteem they feature beautiful, fit, atheletic, rich, people and convince the public that this is what it takes to truly be happy in life.

Happiness comes from within. True happiness, that is. Yes, you can be happy with all the things mentioned above but thats all superficial. You can be the richest most beautiful person that everyone else admires but be so miserable inside and lack self confidence.

You have a responsibility to yourself and that is to love yourself first. You have to know yourself and work on bringing the best out of you. Never let anyone intimidate you or make you feel like you are not good enough and especially, dont you tell yourself that!
It all starts within you your mind and soul.

If you have low self esteem, building it up is a process that takes time and steps but if you work on it, you will get there.

People spend too much time dwelling on their weaknesses and their mistakes, instead you should be celebrating your strenghts and achievements. Anyhow, every mistake is just a lesson learned.
I cannot stand when I hear woman talking about not wanting to wear a certain piece of clothing because she thinks she is too fat or ugly,. First of all its not what you wear, it is HOW you wear it, so if you put that outfit on and wear it confidently and proudly, you will look like a million bucks. If you are still not happy with yourself, change it. You have the power to do so. You just have to believe in yourself. Even if no one else does, you have to.

People will try to bring you down every day, they will compete with you, some will try to belittle you but you dont let them. Laugh it off, because you know what you are worth.
Even if you dont believe it right now, play the role and soon enough it will become your reality.

Coming to Canada, an immigrant 13 year old kid, who didnt speak English, looked different and didnt fit in I thought I hit the lowest of the low. I felt so scared to go to school where I knew nobody and couldnt even ask anyone to help me. I was scared, insecure and hated it. Kids are cruel. They laughed at me and made fun of me and instead of being a victim I used that to build myself up. It took some time because I did go home crying to my mom every day for a little while. However, I wasnt going to let anyone have that power over me. I walked with my head up high, and promised myself that I will never let anyone break me down or make me feel worthless. I realized that it wasnt them, I allowed them. Inside I was so scared but eventually I assumed that role and became that strong person. Before I knew it I had so many friends. When you appear weak, people will single you out and treat you like that. Why would they treat you any different ? When you appear strong and confident, people will flock to you and not dare to bring you down.

Negative thoughts will still occur, its only natural but how you deal with them is what matters.
Dont dwell on negative things, just keep it moving and concentrate on making the good, GREAT.
I never look at another woman and think why dont I have that? Why should I? What does someone else have over me? You have to believe that you are all of that and if you dont you have to get yourself to that level because life will not be kind to you if you dont and this world will be a very dark and cold place.

Without preaching any further, let me tell you what I think can help you improve your self esteem. First, you need to figure out where all the negative comes from in order to fix the problems. So here are a few things for you to think about, not just people with low self esteem but everyone.

1. Stop focusing and wasting your time on the negatives and concentrate on the positives you have. When you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, STOP, and say 3 positive things.
2. Dont aim for perfection because no one is perfect but rather aim for accomplishments.
3. Learn to accept things you cannot change and I mean things like your height for example and find things that compliment that and where it can be useful.
4. Dont be afraid to try new things because there are things out there you may be really good at and you may not even know it.

Having a positive self esteem is important for the obvious reasons but also because it helps you accept yourself fully and live your life to its fullest potential so love yourself, because if you dont, no one else will. It all starts within yourself first. Believe in you.

T.I.M Author: Nina

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